Michigan Radio's Political Analyst Jack Lessenberry has been spending time on Facebook and he's not so sure about how social social-networking is.
I have a theory about all these social networking sites. They are the real al-Qaeda plot to destroy western civilization, a brilliant one. No more inefficient blowing up of single buildings.
They have found a way, through Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, Plaxo, LinkedIn and god knows whatever else there is, to paralyze virtually everyone under the age of thirty. Within a few years, they'll just be able to waltz in and finish us off.
Even if they are not a plot, I suspect these things are going to do us in anyway. Without any doubt they are the biggest time-wasters in history. If you aren't of the Facebook generation, fear not.
Don't worry if you don't understand this stuff. I am not of that generation either, but have fearlessly taken a Facebook safari to explain it to you. Actually, I got into Facebook only because I wanted to read something, and the only way to do that was to sign up.
I put down my name and date of birth because I thought I had to. Within no time, I was deluged by notices that people wanted to be my Facebook friend. I ignored these, until someone's feelings were hurt. Okay. I pressed the button. I had my first Facebook friend. Then I got another. And another. I wrote a column about how silly this was, and got more. Finally I decided, okay. Since this doesn't mean anything to me, anybody who wants to can be my "friend."
So once a week, I would add on all these people. I did hear from two old enough to know better whom I had lost touch with and was happy to hear from. "Send me a e-mail," I told them. I don't want to "write on your wall." I did write on a wall once, telling a fellow middle-aged person that a close mutual friend was ill.
She thanked me, and told me, "Do you know everyone in the world can see what you write on someone's wall?" That was that.
Next, kids started complaining I didn't have any pictures of myself on Facebook. Darn right. I already knew that my best friend's daughter, who is unable to find the time to get it together for nursing school, had pasted 82 pictures of herself on Facebook.
I don't know how to put a picture of myself on Facebook and refuse to learn. So I called someone who did.
Thanks to her, the official World War II portrait of Joseph Stalin is on my Facebook page. A Presbyterian minister in California said that he liked the mustache, but thought I had gained weight.
However, all this went too far when boatloads of strangers wished me Happy Birthday. Big Brother Facebook had reminded them to do that. So I fixed my profile to conform more closely with Uncle Joe's. My birthday is now Dec. 21, 1879, thank you very much.
And to all my 428 Facebook friends who made this column possible, I'd just like to say this: Don't ever ask me to twitter. In my world, middle-aged men don't "tweet."
And that isn't about to change.
Facebook was a needed stepping stone to get to the hyper-telepathy of Twitter.
Being able to communicate quickly and optionally with other professionals has greatly increased the speed and efficiency of discussion - at least in my field.
But then again, my field wouldn't exist without the Internet, really.
Posted by: David Sahlin | April 10, 2009 at 04:50 PM
"Grumble, grumble, grumble. I don't understand kids these days. Why do things change? Grumble." There are so many things wrong with this post. Your credibility just went out the window.
I'll be removing this blog from my RSS feed now. Although I doubt you have any idea what that is - or maybe you tried it, but still have no clue about its utility.
Posted by: Phil | April 11, 2009 at 05:01 PM
Lighten up. Phil baby. I know what a feed bag is. Does that make you happy? Want to borrow my slide rule?
Posted by: Jack Lessenberry | April 12, 2009 at 08:53 AM
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2213272063
you have a fan page!
Posted by: Nikki Stellini | April 13, 2009 at 12:49 PM
Jack was obsolete many moons ago..No one of importance pays attention to him other than the usual grumpy people..Now in that bandwidth Jack has a large captive pitiful following..
But then who cares about tired old has beens ranting about nothing..
Posted by: Thrasher | April 14, 2009 at 11:31 AM
I'm a bit of a fuddy-luddite when it comes to these services, but Twitter does have its uses.
http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2009/3/26/16540/0928
http://itsonlywords55.wordpress.com/2009/03/31/oh-noes-ive-been-twitter-scammed/
What you get out of the soup depends on what you put into the pot. As for the plot to destroy western civilization, Uncle Milty and friends beat them by decades.
Thrasher, unimportant pitiful grumps? You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. There is nothing wrong with following Lessenberry the way you do.
Posted by: Any Salyer | April 15, 2009 at 04:07 PM
Any Salyer,
I was referring to others not me...BTW I do not follow Jack I used Jack as a foil for my talking points..
I have my own shadow and brand...
Posted by: Thrasher | April 15, 2009 at 06:05 PM
Oh, no! You have been assimilated, comrade:
http://twitter.com/JackLessenberry
Allow me to extend my condolences.
Trivia: Douglass Dumbrille did not say "We have ways of making men tweet" in Lives of a Bengal Lancer (1935).
Posted by: Any Salyer | June 27, 2009 at 11:58 AM
Just wanted to let you know that it’s not showing up properly on the BlackBerry Browser (I have a Pearl). Anyway, I’m now on the RSS feed on my laptop, so thanks!
Regards
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